Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Was I born?

When we got up this morning, we had totally forgotten that my Mom had a doctor's appointment. So since it seems that every doctor's appointment she has is scheduled before 830a, that means Keree doesn't go to school. So after my Mom's doctor's appointment, we got some running done, picked up some fresh veggies (okra, cucumber, 3 different types of peppers, bi-color sweet corn and 4 different types of tomatoes) from our friend and then paid a few bills. When we got home, we immediately started working on business. I went in search of my Halloween ribbon because almost all my Halloween bows were purchased this weekend. Since we got so caught up in everything we were doing, we didn't even notice it was after 1pm until Keree begged to take a nap. So, since we usually do school before nap time, we decided to skip today.
When I laid Keree down in bed, she seemed to have something on her mind but didn't want to talk. After awhile she wanted me to sing to her, which only when she is really upset or not feeling well does she want me to do that. So after singing the 50th rendition of Farmer in the Dell, Keree finally started talking. Keree goes "Uncle was born to Grandma just like I was born to you right? Main Teacher said I grew in your tummy. Why does Main Teacher's baby have to be born after Christmas?" *I will just add here, that I think it's totally inappropriate that they are discussing the Main Teacher's pregnancy almost every day of class it seems like. Everyday, Keree comes home with another statement or question about Main Teacher's baby. So being totally caught off guard by all this, I start by saying "Your right Uncle was born to Grandma, but remember Mommy adopted you, so that means you weren't born to me but you were born in my heart and we are now a family forever. Remember I told you, you were born to your Birth Mom. And the reason Main Teacher's baby can't be born until after Christmas is that baby has to keep growing." * Now I'll add that I hate the whole "you were born in my heart" line. I had vowed to never use it but for some reason it came out of my mouth. Even though I have told Keree her adoption story, we have talked about her being adopted and I've always tried to be open about it, I honestly felt uneasy when we talked. I guess because this time it wasn't on my terms. Keree laid there for a few minutes and then in what I swear was one breath goes "What is a birthmom? Why weren't I born in your tummy? How can I be born in your heart (damn, knew that line was going to come back and bite me)" So, I started to explain to her that she grew in her Birthmom's tummy and after she was born she went to the orphanage. That the "grew in my heart" was a saying because our heart means love and I loved her before I even got to hold her for the first time. Keree's next question were a little too much for me to handle but I'll list them here "How did I grow in my Birthmom's tummy? How did I get in my Birthmom's tummy? How did Main Teacher's baby get in her tummy? How are you born? Why didn't I grow in your tummy? Main Teacher said that all babies grow in their Mommy's tummies but I didn't grow in your tummy? Main Teacher said that all babies have Daddies too but I don't have one." I was overwhelmed and honestly failing as a Adoptive Parent, I didn't have the answers at that moment for her and I didn't want to lie to her, I didn't want to tell her any untruths. So what did I do....I took the chicken way out. I told her "you know it's naptime and your suppose to be laying there quietly and we will talk later." I knew someday we would be talking about this, I have read book after book, I had rehearsed these scenarios a thousand times before and I really thought at the tender age of 4, a simple answer would appease her. But that didn't happen, so know I'm trying to sort through my mind the appropriate answers and how much information is too much at this age. After nap, she spent the little bit of time we had drawing ladies, a tummy and a baby growing inside. Seriously, she's only 4!
This evening we had cheerleading. I think their practices would go much better if the Coach wasn't constantly changing the Cheers & Dances every week. They learned there entire dance last week and then this week, she changed almost 3 - 8 count sections. Then half-way through the practice, she goes "you girls better learn all this because our 1st game is next week." All I could think was seriously, they've had 4 practices (counting today's) and only 3 of them with her. After practice was over, we headed home, ate some dinner and then watched a little tv before heading to bed, which is where I should be right now.

No comments:

Post a Comment