Sunday, May 30, 2010


Today was spent still trying to process everything that happened from 719am yesterday morning till today. Even though today was alot less bawling my eyes out, it was more of my mind racing a mile a minute thinking of everything I didn't say to my Dad, that I didn't get to share with my Dad, the long conversations I promised him we would have at a later time and everything we are going to miss doing together in the future. I also kept replaying in my mind, how I had such a strong feeling I needed to call my Dad on Friday but I kept coming up with excuses not too, that I would just call him sometime this weekend. Well we see where that got me. My Brother is processing this on his own terms, that is what he has always done and if you push the issue, he gets angry and shuts down. He will talk when he needs to talk, otherwise you don't bring it up. Keree, now she amazes me because yesterday I really didn't think she got it, especially after my whole big long conversation with her, when I was letting her see her Grandpa one last time. We spent the day outside and I decided to burn our brush pile (yes I know horrible for the environment but I only do it once a year!) She was standing by me and we were just sitting on a stump waiting for my Mom to come back with some green branches. Well Keree all of a sudden goes "You and Uncle were really sad yesterday because your Dad died" and I told her "yes we are really sad" and she goes "but you know it's ok (and show starts pointing to her heart) because he's in heaven but he will always be in our hearts". WOW! Where did this come from? When my Mom got there I asked her if she had talked at all to Keree today about my Dad and she said "no" and then said if I did, I would have brought her to you so we could all talk about it again. So where did this amazing, prolific realization come from? I have no idea because no one said that to Keree, so I can only think that she honestly made that realization herself, which totally blows my mind.
But to top off the day, we got news also that my Cousin passed away from an 8 month battle with cancer. It wasn't a shock like the news of my Dad dying was but it doesn't make it any easier. This Cousin, was the 4th person in my family to ever hold Keree. He actually drove my Grandma over to the airport to pick us up and bring us home from Vietnam, so he played a huge part in Keree's life story. I cringe to think of the saying "Deaths come in three's" because I really can't handle anymore bad news this holiday weekend.

She fell asleep standing up and playing her VSmile

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