Lesson 5 & 6

Well this morning we got up of course bright and early. We went directly upstairs to work on cutting out appliques and sewing. Before we knew it, it was lunch time. So we all headed downstairs. I put Keree down for her nap and hoped she would take a really good, long nap since we had to attend my Cousin's funeral visitation this evening. Of course, Keree had other ideas and decided not to sleep. We got ready and headed out at 3pm so we would get there within the first hour, in hopes we would get in and out quickly. The whole time we drove up there I was near panic attack. I didn't want to go in, I dreaded the thought of someone saying that "they were so sorry for my loss". I just wanted to get through this and not be reminded that just 5 days ago, I lost my Dad. When we got there, my Grandparents were already there. So my Mom, Keree and I got in the line, we were probably 10 people from the front. Well it took over an hour, almost 1 1/2 hours to get to the front. While we waited, we visited with my Grandma and I tried to keep Keree occupied so she wouldn't fixate on the casket up front. We were finally up front, the original plan would be that I would say my condolences to the family and then Keree and I would walk away. Well instead, the minute we got up there, my Grandma swoops Keree away and I'm just left there. She was my excuse to leave and now I didn't have one. I was holding it together really well but then all of a sudden my Cousin's wife grabs me, hugs me and then goes "Oh Single Mama, I read your email and I'm so sorry for your loss." Of course, I go into total meltdown. Not just tears streaming down my face but the cry when you are blubbering, can't catch your breath and you make sounds as you sob uncontrollable. I looked at my Mom and fast walked out of the room, headed to the bathroom, where I remained for a good 15 minutes. My Mom said that my Cousin's wife was so sorry for making me cry. My Grandma, well my Mom says she said "oh poor thing, it was way too soon for her to come to something like this". Ok this is from the same Women yesterday who bitched me out and made me feel awful because I didn't want to come. I'm mean seriously WTH! So as soon as I had composure, I went back into the room to retrieve Keree. When I came into get her, she started asking me a thousand questions about the box my Cousin was in, why was my Cousin's hands crossed and why didn't he have a blanket on like Grandpa did? So basically the entire time my Daughter was in my Grandma's arms, she was fixated on the casket and body. So I answered her questions as best as I could. I told her the box is called a casket and it's sort of like a bed. She asked why Grandpa didn't have one, I told her that he didn't like them. I also told her that Grandpa's hands were folded just like our Cousins hands are folded but you couldn't see them folded underneath the cover. So as for the last question, I sort of fibbed, I told her the blanket was under the closed part of the casket. I really didn't want to say because your Grandpa was being cremated they didn't have him dressed, so they just covered him with a cover. We tried to spend the rest of the evening in the kids waiting room but eventually Mom and Grandma joined us. I was ready to leave but my Grandma was like, no you have to come meet so and so, I want to show Keree off to so and so. I was not happy because every time we would step into the room, Keree would fixate on the casket. Needless to say I wasn't happy, when all was said and done, we had spent just shy of 3 hours. I was drained when we finally left, so we picked up some Fish dinners from Captain D's. After we finished eating, we sat in bed and just relaxed. So that's when I decided that we would work on Lessons 5 & 6. Basically Lesson 5 introduced a new sound and then Lesson 6 was review of the sound and joining it with other letter sounds we had already learned. We tried to wait up to see my Grandparents but they ended up not coming in till after 1030p at night.

TUESDAY JUNE 1, 2010

This morning, Mom and Keree had PT, so we got up and by 9am we were there. We had to wait around till 930a for appointments, I don't know how some days we can get there super fast and other days we run late. Our PT made Keree's day when she let her ride around the basement floor of the hospital on the tricycle. My daughter is a speed demon and had her PT running to keep up with her. While I enjoyed a fast-paced walk trying to keep up. When we got home, we spent some more time with my Brother. He took a few funeral days and had to head back to Ohio in the early afternoon. So we ate lunch together (left off BBQ) and I made our spinach/strawberry salad. Of course his GF had to come over and say good-bye to him. Honestly, my day would have been better if she hadn't shown up. So we helped my Brother pack his car, I planted him 2 tomatoes and 3 hot pepper plants to put on his patio, so we carefully placed them in the back seat in hopes they would make the trip well. Once we said out good-byes we headed back into the house. I decided to call my Step-Mom and check in on here. I wanted to make sure she was doing as well as expected. She said she had spent the day trying to get my Dad's disability stopped. She said she didn't realize how much my Dad took care. We also talked about stuff going on in the family and I also asked her for a few of my Dad's clothes so I can make them into a memory quilt for Keree. After I got off the phone, we then realized we needed to run to Hancock's for a few things to finish an order. So off we went, luckily we weren't there long and we were home in no time. Well as soon as we got home, there was a frantic message from my Grandma on the phone. We tried to callback, no answer, we tried her cell phone, no answer, we then repeated this at least another 10 times before we started calling all her neighbors, well they weren't home either. We really began to panic then. So finally my Mom called her Sister, she said she just talked to her around 330p and she was fine. So finally 2 hours later we got ahold of my Grandma. Needless to say after I found out everything was alright, I yelled at her for worrying me like that because I thought someone else had died (at this point we know of 6 people who we were close too who have passed away). So why did she leave this frantic call because she wanted to see if she could stay with us when she come up for our Cousin's funeral tomorrow. I was furious because we had already told her and expected them to come here. Of course as the conversation went on, she asked me "Are you going to Cousin C's funeral tomorrow?" I sort of hem-hawed around on the answer because honestly I didn't want to go, it hasn't even been a week since my Dad died. So I said "yeah if anything I'll drive my Mom and Keree there, I'm not sure I'll be able to go in". Well then she digs in on me "What do you mean, you not going to go in. You know he helped bring Keree home, he was instrumental in that happening. You need to go and pay his family respect." Luckily my Mom walked in the room at that minute because I was going to give her a piece of my mind but I didn't. I handed the phone off and bitched about it later. Yes, my Cousin C meant alot of us, he was an amazing man. He did help in bringing Keree home, He drove to the airport, picked us up and drove us home from Vietnam. He was not instrumental, it wasn't like he filled out paperwork or gave me a huge chunk of money to make her adoption happen. Yes I appreciate it and it was something very important he did because no one else in our family was going too. I also remember that he was the 4th person in our family to hold Keree. But Cousin C, would also understand if I wasn't there, his wife and daughters would understand, they have been preparing for his death for the last 8 months, while on my side of things my Dad dropped dead suddenly. So basically the rest of the night, I was so mad that I couldn't think or work on anything. Of course that meant Keree's school work went by the wayside. It's late and I've got a thousand emotions going through my head, so I'm headed to bed.